Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Stillness and Wisdom

I am lying in the park and the day is very still; the kind of day when there is no heat and there is no cool, nothing damp and nothing crisp. There is nothing particular on the brain, either, but a persistent urge to write tugs away at my subconscious. So I am here, with nothing to say except that I am here.

It is too warm for this fleece blanket spread out between my belly and the earth. I unfolded it here, in front of this rotting tree with its intertwining trunks all moss covered and hollow, because it is sufficiently near and far. I can lye out long and pretend to be alone, lulled by the low hum of traffic on the loop, the faint cries of laughter from children being pushed on swings with creaky rusted chains. I can stop and think only of myself. I am sentient, not reflective. The tops of my feet are sticky and cool against the grass and clover. My back aches from arching it. There are ants marching on a biologically determined journey across my calves.

Do people watch me? Are my shorts too short? Are microscopic organisms crawling in crevices of my computer that will later zap its jungle of microchip innards? The questions come to mind, but I don’t bother to consider the answers.

What do I look like when I have nothing on my mind? What expression is there on my face when I am laying under a rotting tree on a day that is just a day? I take pictures with the camera on my laptop. Is it narcissism when I begin attempting to perfect the look of feeling like I don’t look or feel like anything, and does it then cease to be nothing and turn in to something? Later I will kick myself for humoring existential nonsense.

I came here to do nothing, but feel pressed to do something, so I’ll tell a story.

***

Once upon a time there were two best friends, only children who loved one another like sisters. When they grew up tall one moved to a shiny city and the other started investing in postcards. Greetings and well wishes were exchanged through index cards boasting pretty pictures and postage stamps. There were highly anticipated visits. Coveted tokens and photographs. Then one day there weren’t any more. Mail got slow. Fizzle fizzle plop plop. One girl missed the other very badly, and I suspect the other was caught lonesome sometimes, too. But when things fall the way of the wind they seem untouchable. Nothing bad had happened, times were times and things were things. Better left alone.

Then one day they both girls learned that sometimes phone lines can be very still for a very long time without changing much of anything at all. One visited the other. Surprise! Long black hair, rosey cheeks, a honey sweet voice. Distance melted. They embraced in a familiar hug around the waist, they exchanged signature giggles. There was an evening of gin and tonics, three hours to catch up on the last three years. Upon departure they were all smiles and relief. “Love you, old gal!”

We didn’t attempt to explain the lacuna. We know the way of postcards far better than we know the way of the wind.

***

Now… What was I saying?

Friday, August 20, 2010

Riches

I have a gripping sense of sentimentality. Not the kind that is content to ruminate quietly over memories; the kind that assigns significance to the most insignificant token. There's a letter box on my bookshelf that contains every letter and postcard I have received in the last 12 years. Though its contents have waned in light of email and Facebook, its place on the shelf is comforting. I have items of clothing that are more akin to cheesecloth than cotton that I I just can't part with. My closet overfloweth with photographs. Literally every artifact that finds a way in to my life will be hard pressed to find a way back out.
If my attachment to stuff ended at heirlooms and nostalgia laden gifts this might not be a problem. However, I have an affinity for objects in general, and the older and stranger they come, the more firmly they reside in my heart.

I'm thankful that my material lusting ends at the dusty shelves of thrift stores and the well-manicured lawns of garage sales, otherwise I'd be flat broke (and probably a well-monied pompous jerk with too many cars and shiny things). Still, I bear the cross of a hoarder's soul. It doesn't take much foresight to imagine the ebb and flow of possessions that will shift through future closets, garages, shelves, and cabinets... All of it piling up at the yearning of my happy little trinket fingers.

Trinkets.
If you are left knowing only one thing about me, you should know that I adore a good trinket.




Today I made a couple of pairs of earrings out of some scrap fabric, and as I was cleaning up the mess of stray fibers, yarn, and earring parts, I took particular notice of how beautiful the pile was. That careless heap on the carpet summoned the most unconscious of smiles. My extra sharp and heavy duty fabric shears, colorful piles of cotton, unraveled yarn, an open sewing box.. It was hard to make myself clean it up. And so, I grabbed my camera, and began snapping away to document all my favorite trinkets.

A rack of thread hangs right above my sewing table. The colors, the spool sizes, the different types of spool... They're full of promise, they beckon me to make things... That's justification enough to keep them on display; objet d'art!

Oh boy does my jewelry ever scream for organization. Though I sometimes feel there must be a responsibility to keep them stored properly that is intrinsic to their charm and delicacy, I secretly love the messy pile on my dresser. Sometimes the way a pair of earrings mingles with a bracelet gives me an idea to combine the two that I never would have come up with otherwise! This photo is full of good trinkets... Just beyond the jewelry you might catch a peek of a pair of feet...
Those belong to one of my Margaret Keane big-eyed girls! Of all the trinkets I own, big-eyed girls are probably the only thing abundant and diverse enough to constitute a collection. I purchased my first one, an Eve painting, at the Nearly New Shop when I was 14. Thirteen years later, I'm still a sucker for doe eyes.
To the left of the little feet in the jewelry picture is an old old cigar box. My granddaddy smoked Dutch Masters for as long as anyone can remember, and he always saved the boxes for me. As a kid I had stacks of boxes containing my rubberband, acorn, and rock collections. Mother and I would take a walk together nearly every day, and by the time we rounded the block my pockets were already bulging with new finds. I probably would have worked on bird feather, leaf and flower petal collections as well, had it not been for my mother's reluctant ability to say, "Enough is enough."

Ok, so I was passing the full length mirror and I couldn't resist a self portrait. I was feelin' cute, what can I say? The trinkets to the left of the mirror belong to Sean; piles of records and CDs that are probably not catalogued for the same reason that my jewelry is one giant tangle of metal. Two peas in a pod, for sure.
It's a Where's Waldo of trinkets in this one.. The two portraits hanging above my thread in the background are of an African American boy and girl. They almost look Baptismal. I love the innocence of a child's portrait, and the kitschy way they were printed on wood blocks. My Nalgene bottle is on the sewing desk, one of ten or more peppered through our apartment, refrigerator, and cars. The year before we started dating, after a conversation in which I lamented the scarcity of old-school Nalgenes in the wake of the BPA hubbub, Sean tracked down five or six of the colorful water bottles for my birthday and sent them to me at the candy shop; pink, blue, yellow, green, and fuchsia all with contrasting lids. I probably shouldn't drink out of them, but I love them so. Sean's banjo and Amish hat are to my right, and both make me endlessly happy in their quiet representation of Appalachia. Finally, the cardboard deer head protruding from the wall is just like taxidermy (which I love, see below!!) but without the dead animal. Right? That's some Laura logic for ya.
Ok, so in light of my obsession with child portraits and big eyed girls, it's only natural that I love to snatch up bookends of child busts. These cats were acquired at an antique shop in Westpoint Kentucky on our way home from a hiking trip. The building is an old motel circa 1800s. The floors creak and the original wood bends under foot, and there's a spirit in that place that is palpable. If I could hoard old musty buildings, I'd do that too.
This will forever be my life's motto. Simplicity and love preached through a porcelain homage to the bluegrass, meant to be kept in the kitchen where togetherness happens. I plucked this from a general store in Cave City, which happens to be my favorite little town on Earth. Put plainly, Cave City is trinket Heaven nestled in a universe of oddity. God Bless.
Bird anything always constitutes a good trinket. The bird glasses at the tip top of that green cabinet were my mother's. We made root beer floats in them a lot, and sometimes she'd use one for her iced tea. But one bundle of birdware wasn't enough! When I saw the little china tea set at the Goss Ave. Antique Mall I had each piece mentally wrapped in newspaper and out the door before Sean could utter the words, "Uh oh..."

The green cabinet is a gem, and a beacon of self-restraint. It was in the window of the Seek and Find with its doors open and facing the street. What caught my eye? Retro decals of big-eyed farmer children, faded and worn across the front. I wanted it. I needed it. I bought it, and later forced myself to sand away the children, match the paint color, and re-do the doors in a crackle finish. Lastly, that painting on the wall was done by an eighty year old woman with Downs Syndrome. We acquired it on a Fat Friday Trolley Hop at the Mariposa Place. A photo of her smiling face, all animated with an endearing quality of enthusiasm, is all it took to will a twenty from my purse.

This little gnome is hiding in a bushy, vine-like plant that Sean received as a house warming gift in 2003. His mama gave it to him... :) It's fun to imagine such a fellow living in the thick of those leaves, even if this guy is inanimate.
I'm a garbage picker. When junk day comes around I spend wide-eyed hours scouring the alleys for a new treasure. The only way to properly embark on such a hunt is to crank up some good old timey country and imagine myself bouncing around in a rusty pickup truck. This box was sitting behind a house close to the candy shop, and pulled on my heartstrings as much as it did my trinket fingers. Someone saved that box, year after year, packing away the seasonal curtains with meticulous care. Though the box is brittle, yellowed, and torn, there was a person who couldn't dream of storing their curtains in anything different. I probably would have taken the box on that notion alone, and then I peeked inside...
An old candy box full of poker chips and an assortment of gauzy summer curtains, each tagged with a safety pinned note of which window it belonged to. The curtains smell musty, but sadly, also freshly laundered. Someone cared for these. It was my duty to give them a new home.
Izze isn't exacly a trinket, but I prize the pink on her nose and paw paws just as I do my mother's tattered high heels.
This whirlygig is the Holy Grail of trinkets. Last summer Sean and I passed through Lucama, NC on our way home from the Outer Banks. Our mission, to find Vollis Simpson, a 91 year old man who, over the course of twenty five years, has constructed the most magical farm of windmills and whirlygigs you could possibly imagine. The town of Lucama is literally as big as the Whirlygig Farm that calls it home; we drove on a one lane dirt road for three miles aptly named "Vollis Simpson Way," to reach this hidden wonderland. Marveling at spinning metal structures covered in shiny bicycle reflectors, it was impossible not to feel overwhelming gratitude for the folk art genius of people who create solely from the visions in their heads and the scraps in their garage. I was in love, like my soul found a home, mesmorized by the glistening universe overhead. A few minutes in to our visit a black pickup truck came sputtering up a hidden lane and in to the barn across the way. An old shriveled man in overalls carrying a banana and a bag of pork rinds got out, gave us one look, and said, "Weelllp. Looks like it's gonna rain. Y'all better come here and take a look at the rest of it." With gaping mouths and gracious hearts we tiptoed the lanes of his workshop, where hundreds of desktop whirlygigs and hairbrained sculptures piled on top of eachother in smiling, reflector laden wonderment. Vollis unveiled his entire world to us, complete strangers, without so much as a second thought. He sat in front of a Rube Goldberg-esque fan under a hot tin roof as rain danced in a song overhead, slowly chewing his banana, and gave us the genesis story of his farm. Mr. Simpson is a genius, a gentle man with a busy imagination. With the last seventy five dollars in my wallet I purchased a pint-sized whirlygig of my own, created from a family heirloomed antique wine goblet. I parted not only with an original piece of folk art, but with piece of Vollis' past. It was one of the most magical days of my entire life.
This squirrel friend was a white elephant gift at a Christmas party thrown by people I'd never met. Clearly, I came to the party white elephant-less, nothing to contribute to the exchange. Though I was slightly jealous of the jovial folk who were opening fake mustaches and clown-sized sunglasses, my trinket fingers managed to keep their cool... Until someone opened a gun totin' taxidermy squirrel!! My desire was murderous, I would have done anything to get that thing home and on my wall. Luckily, all I had to do was pout and look and it longingly, and Sean bartered it away from a very nice gal who was sympathetic to my hankerin'.
After spending weeks coveting a giant pufferfish lamp in the window of a local vintage store, Sean bestowed me with one of my own on my 25th birthday! I have a thing for taxidermy... which may or may not bode well for posthumous fate of our kitty and sugar glider.. ;)
The Kennedys are not creepy children, but their busts were too tempting to pass up for six bucks. I think I love the copper color as much as I love the ridiculousness of the object. Some extremely patriotic soul of the sixties, with very little money to buy truly presidential home decor, probably used these to bracket their volumes of Reader's Digest.
The antlers to the right of the Kennedys came from our recent trip out West. On the Utah/Nevada border we encountered a little table of trinkets; Navajo pottery, books, native jewelry, and a few sets of antlers. Everything was marked with a price, but there was no one to collect the fee. Instead, a coffee can beckoned souvenir money on the honor system. After dejected trips to countless roadside flea markets and general stores hocking antlers for sixty bucks a pair, I gladly dropped 8 dollars in the can for mine.
Peppers aren't really trinkets, either... But they're beautiful, and delicious, and I'm so proud of my busy orange bells!
This guy is the best Christmas present ever to grace the glowing underbelly of my tree. He's not just a somberly creepy, bowling pin shaped plush doll; he's a confidant, a cheerleader, a friend. He's My Therapy Buddy, and when you squeeze his foot he reminds you in the most soothing voice that, "Everything is going to be allllright." I was introduced to him several years ago on the show American Inventor. His creator is a total freak, and pitched MTB to the judges as an adult therapy tool. The arms are long and the hands velcro so that MTB can hug you. I'm not kidding. See for yourself.. My life is complete.

I am superstitious to the core, and fascinated by paranormal activity. As a child I spent countless hours channeling elusive spirits from the depths of my Milton Bradley ouija board. Two falls ago I got it in my head that I should start a ouija board collection. This one is handmade by a self-proclaimed Wiccan. It came with specific instructions for safely summoning lost souls and has been blessed by a warlock who sells his boards on Ebay. Am I as loony as he is for respecting his unabashed show of delusion? Totally nuts for wanting this thing in my home? I dunno, why don't you ask the undead?
Worry dolls chase away the blues and the bothersome. Whisper to them what pains you, tuck them under your pillow, and wake up to a brand new trouble-free day! I got my first set when I was on a fifth grade trip to San Antonio, TX to meet my ESL pen pal at a sister school. One night our pen pals took us to an authentic fiesta. Here is what I remember: the brattiest girl in our class was attacked by fire ants, there were a lot of drunk hombres in cowboy hats, and some guy was peddling worry dolls and friendship bracelets. One of each please.
We have two of these owl bells. They came from the gift shop of the Field Museum in Chicago. Couldn't pass 'em up!
The bathroom window makes me endlessly happy. It gets full natural sun all day long which looks so whimsical shinin' down on my plant and my birdies. The birds are in contrasting greens, little fairytale characters shaded by a jade bonsai. Green is my favorite color.
This pair of golden birds spoke to me from a bottom shelf in Unique Thrift. With each new abode they find a place to soar on the bathroom wall. We migrate together.
My soap dish may look a little cruddy, but it's one of the things I'd save first in a fire. This was Grandmommy's bathroom soap dish, and though it now cradles my face soap, every time I look at it I'm afforded an olfactory flashback to her pink bar of Dove.
Another Unique find, and another trinket that comes with my territory. I identify with some objects to the point that they're little extensions of my very person... This key is one of those things. I can't explain it, I just love it. I have it propped against our lovely bathroom window... Glass doesn't come any more perfect than the textured retro privacy glass.
Yellowed pages, inscriptions and library tags, ornate bindings, vintage children's illustrations... I get lost in antique book rooms. Lately I've been having fun with using old books to create new art! There are all kinds of wacky page folding techniques that yield really cool geometric designs, and once you've folded all the pages, the book stays flat and open. Just drill a couple of holes on either side of the binding, hang it by some twine, and viola! Nerdy chic. Books with lots of illustrations, hymnals, and ones written in other languages work really well for this because bits and pieces of the contents are visible when the pages fan out. A word of warning, though.. If you're prone to attachment, there is a delicate balance between choosing really great books and just so-so books for your page folding pleasure. The books below are a couple that I like so well I can't quite follow through with the transformation. The covers aren't all that snazzy, but the pages are begging to remain intact.
Maybe it was all those childhood years riding along the flea market with mother and grandmommy in my wagon, maybe it was weekend yard saling excursions with my mother and aunt, maybe an affinity for one man's junk is coded in to my DNA... My grandparents collected precious stones, jade orientals, mud men, and snuff bottles. My mother proudly displayed cat tea pots and vintage glass lady shoes. My aunt's home was decorated in hundreds of porcelain busts of sophisticated ladies with long eyelashes. Uncles Melvin loves Navajo and Native American art. My father collects coins and model trains. This was inescapable, I was born to delight in it all.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Gentle Hearts Wear the Dusty Boots


Sometimes when I return home from having fulfilled my duties, obligations, and desires in the larger world I feel completely discombobulated. Fried, distant, mute. I sit and try to quiet the inner struggle between harnessing my usual calm and acting on an invasive sense of urgency. Clearly, I am not cut out for tasks, for problem solving, or for responsibilities that extend beyond my own sense of value and importance. Don't mistake this for selfishness, though as an only child I'm sure I'm often guilty of that, too. If it must have a title, which in an age of expediency, consumption, and job identity I assume it must, I'm comfortable with being accused of a mild case of good old fashioned laziness. Or maybe Malvina Reynolds sang it best when she proudly crooned, "I don't mind failing in this world."
Plainly, I don't aspire. Not to status or power or money or a job title that makes people turn green with envy. I don't even necessarily aspire to be a master of the things I love (gardening, writing, cooking, dancing). In fact, I think a degree of authenticity and joy is lost in pursuit of creating or performing perfectly. Through my frustration, I find it kind of thrilling to wonder if that one roma tomato that is rotting on its bottom will spoil the whole vine, and I've retained enough optimism to believe that it won't.
Having just attained my Bachelors degree, regulars at work and friends of the family love to ask what I plan for the future. When I mention graduate school I'm further pressed to name what spectacularly lucrative career path I'll choose with my educational background. And that is when I laugh and admit, "Probably none." I'm often met with a rolling eye (usually stuck behind a computer screen or flecked with jadedness and impervious skepticism), cordially reminded that if we all felt like I do about the world, nothing would get done. Understood. I should take this moment to thank every last person that goes through the motions of a job they despise, tolerates people that secretly unnerve them, or labors over the hard problems in the interest of the common good. We are all that person at one time or another, and it is certainly a noble and difficult thing to be. I should then also apologize for not being willing to burden myself with things that make me miserable when at all avoidable. My motivations are not such that it's necessary to toil and drudge. When I have no choice but to bite the bullet and muddle through something intolerable, I am also intolerably sorry for the unmotivated, grumpy person I become. My hat is sincerely off to anyone who lives life that way, regardless of the reason they do it.
Here is the part where I fully admit to selfishness; I am writing this from my deck, on a still evening with a mild breeze and a muted, almost white sun that is incandescently veiled by thin grey clouds. It is just me and my plants, and a couple of culinary magazines that will guide my dinner preparations. Oh, and a glass of wine. A small one, I promise, because it is only 5:30. I have done absolutely nothing for the last two and a half hours aside from laying motionless in the mid-day sun, admiring the height of my lavender, congratulating my oregano on a most spectacular scent, and occasionally picking up a magazine or the fourth volume of Anais Nin's diaries (I read one volume every summer to retrain my romantic senses after a long dark winter). What I don't earn in money I pay myself in leisure, and a fabulous dinner.
Here is the part where I am unselfish again; my basil plants need me. Without my epicurean fortitude their brilliant green leaves, which are now so bushy that they conceal an intricate system of 18 inch stalks, would begin to yellow at the base and wither all around. Each morning they greet me with the buds of little flowers extended in over-achievement, and each morning I pinch the foreboding blossoms and toss them over the rail, asking the overburdened herb to make it just one more day. Spicy, Italian, and Lime have all obliged, though growing more top heavy and crowded with each new dawn. It is with their best interest at heart that I plan on spending my evening in the kitchen whipping up pestos of all ethnicities and influences from their pruned leaves.
At heart, my basil is a lot like me. Unwilling to grow so tall that it puts stress on its very foundation, in tune with the capacity of its roots to live and work and grow before dying altogether. And the really interesting thing about the nature of my basil is that the more I trim it back, save it from its own show of hubris, the faster it comes back; fuller, greener, and with larger, more fragrant leaves.
Our symbiosis far more enriching than that of the anxious laborer to the relentlessly laborious. And so, I make time to shed the furrowed brow and elevated heart rate that characterize importance, immediacy, and productivity, in favor of the nothing-in-particular, the whatever-comes-my-way, a languid state of existing wholly within the senses.


Good things always come.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Fragments. Or, On the Subject of Organic Matter.



I believe in fragments and fluidity. My best days are the ones with no punctuation at all, later recounted in little episodes. Yesterday was one of my best days.

Every morning I drive through the country's largest collection of Victorian mansions. Take a minute to consider that; a permanent, living, functional museum. A civic treasure. Ornate and proud, sturdy, each with distinct character, artifacts in their own right. I rarely consider the historic magnitude of my daily commute, the stories and voices that must haunt those street and alley. I whiz right past. Springtime, however, demands that Old Louisville be recognized for the colorful gem that it is. The avenues are lined in dogwoods and flowering pears, now in full bloom, accentuating the lost and hidden potential of a neighborhood relic of glamour and sophistication.



During lunch I found a tree of my own, positioned in the direction of the sun. I nestled in to a concave nook of the trunk, perfectly fit to the width of my back, and stretched my legs out long across dirt and mulch. My sandals slid off my feet and I pointed my toes. My skin was sticky and damp, the backs of my calves melted in to the earth. My hair was blowing in the same direction as the grass, strands and blades wistfully one long line of motion in the breeze. I let the straps down to my dress, careful not to let them slip so far as to give passers by a cheap thrill.

I forgot to eat. Blue skies and the scent of fresh mulch will do that to me. Mother Nature must be awfully tired of repressing herself... That cunning seductress bewitches me so easily, and I forget lots of things.

Once home, I ate a late-day breakfast of yogurt, bran, honey, and strawberries on the deck. I was in my undergarments, delirious over the sunshine.

There are several tools one needs to properly enjoy a beautiful day. These things include sunglasses, a book, a full bottle of water, a pillow, a lounge chair, and the absence of time keepers, ringing gadgets, and restrictive clothing.

I watched a single lucent petal surrender to the naviagtion of the wind, swirling in straighaways and switchbacks, until inviting itself to a place of rest in my breakfast bowl. I know not where it landed, only that it found a more organic destination in my stomach. This led me to consider the thousands of particles of organic matter that go unnoticed, quietly disguising themselves in my food and water day in and day out. That's ok, I like pollenated water and protein fortified snacks.

The deck shakes in the wind. When a strong breeze catches this creaky structure of weathered boards and nails it creates a speed bump effect underfoot. Same thing happens when someone is coming up the stairs. Sometimes I wonder, being on the third floor, if this thing is properly attached to the building, or if it's a dutiful free agent. I like to think of it as the latter, out of a love for old stuff and the imperfect. Anyway, the shaking is good, it has the potential to notify me of foreign footsteps. Paired with an impressive obstacle course of stacked flower pots at the top of the stairs, I have a fool proof security system. No one will get past me.

Sometimes, laying back in my chair with the sun blazing over my closed eyelids, my body occupies a position worthy of a Mayan petroglyph. I imagine my shape representing an animal, or a revered symbol, baked on the face of an ancient ruin; legs bent outward at the knee to form a diamond between my lower torso and toes, a second diamond formation pronounced between shoulders and fingertips, a pair of bent elbows with arms extended overhead.

Other times I imagine myself at the edge of the ocean. The scent of Aveda sun veil mist on my hair is sufficiently summery enough to evoke an olfactory interpretation of $5 sunscreen. The breeze, cutting through the solar rays, catches the cool spot where perspiration collects at the nape of my neck, and a redeeming sense of calm comes over my entire being. The whir of Bardstown Road traffic in the distance can, by a liberal stretch of the imagination, account for the ocean's song. Of course, crashing waves and V8 engines sound nothing alike, which pocks my reverie, just a bit.

It is entirely possible to know the time of day by the position of the sun. I can usually pin it down to the hour, the half hour with a little practice in sunbathing. As a girl from the city, I find this to be a miraculous discovery, a grand epiphany born of my love for the outdoors. I turn in my chair like a human sundial, until shadows cover my feet, the heat is reduced to gentle warmth, and I concede to the evening.

I began to realize after abandoning my perch yesterday that in a month or so my color will blend with the terra cotta pots that line the rail of my afternoon retreat. Eventually my skin won't pale to their bold clay tone. My legs will respond with a showy bronze hue of their own, blending with the clay as if to say to people below, "It's only us chickens up here." And it is. Their fresh green contents will hurl leafy stems skyward to obscure any additional vantage from below. I and my scheming brain of dinner ideas and miscellany projects will be concealed by a primitive system of camouflage.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Encounters



I slammed the door to the trusty Volvo this morning in the same fashion as most mornings; in a rush because I am perpetually late, jittery and working on my second cup of coffee, flailing to untuck my hair from under the strap of my shoulder bag while simultaneously trying to clip on my keys and insert iPod earbuds. I walk in a hurried shuffle, the worn spots at the heels of all my shoes indicative of my aggressive heel to toe stride, the scuffed toes indicative of my absent-minded lumbering through mud, gravel, and any other ground cover paving a more expedient route than the sidewalk. Today I made it to the median on Cardinal Boulevard, still fumbling with trinkets and adjusting clothing extremities, and was nearly knocked sideways by a student shuttle that bid me farewell in a cloud of kicked-up dust and black smog. After a few hastened strides I recovered from an assailing lungful of debris, then suddenly stopped dead in my tracks, arrested by a fragrant Southern perfume. Literally, I stopped in the traffic lane, intoxicated by a familiar Spring pungency that sends my little heart leaping...

Onion Grass. God Bless.

A curious motorist had stopped before me, I being the barrier between he and a green light. He didn't look angry, he looked intrigued, maybe even sympathetic. I stood with a wide-eyed sugary grin, still unable to connect my sudden euphoria with the scent whistling beneath my nose. I offered an appreciative wave in the direction of the halted driver, which I can only imagine came across as the looney gesture of a dazed Kool-aid drinker.

Onion Grass.

If there is an Earthly representation of sunshine I think these thick, sticky blades must be the chosen ones. That scent evokes childhood memories of the stubborn family cat happily munching and regretfully regurgitating, grass stains on white tights that I didn't want to wash off, lightning bugs and humidity, red hot shoulders exposed by the sunroof, sunglasses and Easter Sundays past. I can feel myself soaring on the breeze that alerts my senses to knots of onion grass, in fact, there are probably a few patches adorning the hedges of my soul.

A full day of classes went by in an unusually painless sweep of time. Eager to spend a little time on the deck, I sped home at 5:15 with the sunroof back, already sinking mentally in to a sunshine, wine, and good book induced coma. Those fifteen minutes between me and outdoor serenity unfolded like a flipbook; stoplight, go, stoplight, go, park, door, bags down, glass, pour, book, backdoor, ahhhhhhh........

CHIVES!

Could it be? Realizing that I'd made a hasty exit to the deck without my sunglasses and water, I looked up from my book after just a few minutes of settling in, my gaze met by a family of lime green sprouts. This pot was in a line of six or seven left out all winter to brave and bear the burden of frost and snow. Each terra cotta vestibule shamefully displayed a dry straw-like smattering of dead stalks and leaves, but not this. I leaned over cautiously, reminding myself not to get too hopeful. My thumb and index finger closed around one of the blades and gave a twist to indicate texture and release aroma. A tiny hollow tube of bright green snapped off, daring me to take a whiff.

Chives.

Like a surprise birth announcement, the descendants of last year's modest crop pulled off a striking reveal with youthful enthusiasm in their stinky little lime green jackets. With maternal enthusiasm I ran in for the camera, twice forgetting the water and sunglasses.

There are reasons to celebrate every which way I turn during these warm months. Animals to speak to, blue skies to covet, twigs, branches, mosses, leaves, petals, flowers, and fungi with shapes and colors deserving of human marvel. Little ethereal encounters that bring me a little closer to a realized self.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

All the colors are of love.


I don't like to be cold. In fact, let it suffice to say that if I knew I had to live through an eternal winter, I'd rather not live at all. My muscles seize and my blood vessels constrict to create a persistent numbing effect in my toes. My face scrunches and scowls instinctively against the persistent chill, which penetrates my psyche, making room for discontent and ugliness to nestle in where happiness usually resides. Winter's venomous bite doesn't just kill my spirit, it relegates sunshine to the farthest edges of the Earth, leaving my skin chapped and begging for color, my body yearning for Vitamin D. Such deprivation bears spontaneous moments of heavy melancholy, a deep sense of restlessness and incessant discomfort. I feel lost, always tired. I'm even a little sad sometimes, like I've suffered a loss. It's a rare breed of homesickness, this Seasonal Affective Disorder, and my soul is a sad little camper, cold and whimpering for the Sun to come pick her up.
But I digress, I shouldn't be so melodramatic. This winter has been the coldest and snowiest in recent memory, and I am poised to emerge from it with my emotional well-being and physical health intact. There were even days that some twisted masochistic impulse came over me and I ventured out, wide-eyed and eager to immortalize the snow day at shutter speed. I enjoyed the momentary delight of being concealed under six layers of clothing and various forms of wrap and cover. My eyes marveled at the the landscape, newly upholstered in sparkling white cushions. My senses were lulled by the muffled hush of the wind, which failed to rustle the trees that slept in icy cocoons. Even while nursing my parched skin, withered and scaly from gusts of dry air, it is hard to deny that a small appreciation for this season has coaxed its way in to my heart.
Though not completely soured on this year's vicarious trip to the Arctic, I do find it difficult to mend the shreds of motivation and patch the holes of inspiration. When a hunger pang incites volumes of fantastic dinner ideas, the hassle of layering up and trudging through sludge in the grocery store lot is enough for me to settle on a grilled cheese. When I am determined to write a paper or study for an exam, a single gaze out the window at that menacing grey sky makes me sigh and crumple over my own fleeting enthusiasm. A few successful dates with winter are not enough to carry me through. My little routines, the familiarity of my things and my space, the few places I can count on to feel warm and find happiness, those keep my mind grounded and my smile in shape.
Today, despite my best intentions of reading and studying, my concentration is overturned by the restlessness of another dreary day spent cornered on the couch by the space heater. Searching for anything to settle this attention deficit, I have been mindlessly checking my favorite internet haunts; Facebook first, of course, followed by school email and assignment boards, then the news outlets; CNN, The New York Times, NPR. After skimming pages all morning, my vision finally fixed on an image that inspired a little smile to curl up toward my weary eyes, two Indian girls dancing, their faces painted in swirls of pink and green.

The Arts & Life article on NPR.org went on to offer a recipe for a sunshine yellow curry dish to honor the Indian holiday, Holi. Known as the Festival of Colours, people of all Indic faiths and castes celebrate the coming of Spring by painting their skin in colored powders, eating vibrantly colored meals, engaging in revelrous water balloon fights, throwing bonfires in recognition of the triumph of light over dark, good over evil. The celebration begins in the days leading up to the last full moon of the concluding winter month, which marks the first day of Spring. This year, Holi falls on March 1st, tomorrow.
Finally, a little inspiration. Though our Spring is marked by the Vernal Equinox on March 20, I'm going to take a little self-serving liberty on this one and count myself in on the Holi spirit. I'm reanimated by the enthusiasm of this holiday, driven by a sense of renewal and celebration rather than our Western practicality, not just another day on the calendar. Holi is about reconnecting with nature after the long dead winter, ringing in the Spring blossoms by coating yourself and your loved ones in their pigment. Engaging the senses with intense spice, electrifying color, overwhelming love, and the heat and magic of fire... That is how I want to bid the winter months adieu.
And so, tomorrow calls for a brush of Salamander eyeshadow across my hopeful lids, a pout transformed by Beetroot gloss, and a wardrobe that harkens the blooms from their buds. The kitchen will be filled with mustard, tumeric, ginger, and cumin to awaken my senses, and every candle in the house will flicker with the reminder that the light, she is a comin'. I don't care if the wind assaults my Spring invitational with a 30 degree flurry, I'll remember my photographic friends in India who dance and sing over bonfires, painted in Mother Nature's love.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Yonder Voices


Last April as I was coming home from a walk around the Scenic Loop in Cherokee Park I noticed a street festival on Longest Avenue in front of Heine Brothers. There were childrens' drawings of mountains strung across the street like prayer flags, live music on a stage bisecting the alley, beer and food sales, and mountain advocacy groups tabling in horseshoe formation along the barrier of Bardstown Road. I had the fortune of stumbling across Louisville Loves Mountains Day, an event that celebrates Appalachian culture and mountain life and raises awareness of issues threatening the vitality of the region. As I'm sure was the case for many attendees, this was my first formal introduction to the practice of mountaintop removal. I collected brochures and talked with KFTC members about the pressing nature of this cause, which cultivated my rudimentary support for ending mountaintop removal. I had a beer, socialized with friends who came to check out the festival, and tapped my foot to local music straight through dusk. That evening one of my friends commented, "I come from a family of coal miners. If they saw this they'd all laugh at the city slickers in Louisville trying to teach them how to live. Those communities have no choice, what would that region look like without those jobs? Everyone would be worse off than they already are. Mining is a necessary evil of that economy and way of life, you can't just erase that." In an instant I began questioning what I'd just consigned to. What I was witnessing at the festival; was this a gathering of voices for the voiceless, or a gathering of removed city folk with too much time and money? I realized that I didn't know the answer, I was ignorant to the dynamics of modern Appalachian economics and the environmental concerns of my fellow Kentuckians. Feeling confused, powerless, and angry with myself for being so clueless, my activist inclinations were ignited. I went home vowing to gain some answers. Unfortunately, in the typical fashion of detachment, I left the brochures laying around for a few days until I finally committed them to a place in the closet, and quietly tucked what I'd learned in the back of my mind. It wasn't that I didn't want to become involved, life just happened- studying for finals, working, doing research for classes rather than my own edification, music, drinks, and friends on the weekends- I lost my connection.
Almost a year has passed and still, until this past Saturday, coal issues in Appalachia were a distant glimmer of interest and intrigue in my mind, occasionally kindled by an article in the paper, a Facebook status update, or most recently the KFTC benefit at 21C featuring Jim James and Wendell Berry. On that evening Sean and I signed up to do a Mountain Witness Tour, an opportunity to visit Appalachia for a firsthand experience of mountaintop removal and its consequences on the culture and community. I will admit that even in the space between the fundraiser and the tour, I did very little aside from studying photographs to familiarize myself with the practice. I admit this for two reasons. One, it is the truth. Two, this is characteristic of an ugly facet of human nature, to be self-absorbed and immediate, unconsciously relegating peripheral concerns to matters of convenience.

Saturday was the day that forever absolved me of that habit. The following is my account of the Mountain Witness Tour in Whiteburg, KY on January 23, 2010.

We were on the road as the sun was rising. Muted brushstrokes of pink and orange divided the horizon of the road from the low-lying white sky. Dense fog masked the trees lining the highway, offering only a quick glimpse of the landscape from the window, blurred at 70 mph. We had a three and a half hour drive ahead of us to Whitesburg. A southeastern Kentucky town on the Virginia border with a population hovering at 1500, a quarter of which live below the poverty line, Whitesburg is rich in cultural significance. We knew we were in Eastern Kentucky when we began picking up WMMT, Mountain Community Radio, in Hazard. Gritty old-timey melodies welcomed us to the mountains, reprogramming our senses to a simpler frame of mind. The station broadcasts from a 40 year old arts and educational center in Whitesburg known as the Appalshop.

Built in 1969 during the federal War on Poverty project, the Appalshop's original purpose was to teach filmography to residents in the hopes that they would document Appalachian life, exposing rural Southern culture to a national audience. Today, the organization is responsible for hundreds of films, educational initiatives, theatre productions, publications, and the genesis of WMMT. In addition to boasting the Appalshop, Whitesburg also hosts an annual Mountain Heritage Festival and is home to the highest peak in Kentucky, Black Mountain. This was to be the site that forever changed my sense of civic duty and Kentuckian pride.
Our itinerary for the day was a curious balance of formal and informal; meet and greet at the Post Office, hike on Pine Mountain taking Bad Branch Falls Trail, a visit to the community of Eolia, mountaintop removal tour on Black Mountain, debriefing and strategy session. I wasn't sure what to expect, and to be honest, I was afraid to face my own sense of duty. I knew that whatever I was embarking on, it meant gaining the type of knowledge that comes with responsibility, the kind that imposes a moratorium on passivity.
When we pulled in to the Post Office we were greeted by a young energetic Columbian woman named Patty wearing a green KFTC hooded sweatshirt and brightly colored knit hat with bobbing tassels. A Whitesburg resident and KFTC organizer, Patty was inviting and eager, but still efficient and professional from the start. There were six on the tour in total, and her energy set a great tone for the rest of us.
Patty suggested a bathroom break before heading to Bad Branch Falls. Rather than congest the Post Office restroom, we dropped in on the Webb family up the road. Patty was positive that this would be a welcome visit, but confirmed over the phone as we drove up to a dirt and gravel driveway lined with plastic pink flamingos and a pack of six or seven happy country dogs. There was a log cabin home to our right, the stone ruins of a small structure to our left, two rustic cabins on a hill back in the woods, and a cabana at the edge of a lake in the middle of the property equipped with a smattering of rafts and canoes, even a pontoon boat. Wild yard ornaments were as bountiful as trees; CDs hanging in tree branches as reflectors, a rusted metal sculpture of a waving tin man, a mobile of braziers hanging from the ceiling of the cabana next to Jesus giving the thumbs up. A hippie-folk-art-back-to-nature retreat that the two giant pink-flamingo shaped signs at the gate dubbed "Wiley's Last Resort."


The dogs followed us up to the house, politely wagging tails in exchange for pats on the head. We were greeted at the door by a small-framed woman with long white hair who immediately rushed us all in to her home, eager to introduce us to the bat that had been hanging on the door frame above her living room couch for a week. It was hanging by one foot, or one wing, unphased by the commotion of its human audience. "The dogs don't seem to stir him either, " she reported. "Jim's not home, so I'm just going to take care of it myself. I've been watching these vampire movies lately and at first I wanted to let him be, but now it's starting to give me the willies." With glove in hand she presented a small bucket filled with leaves intended to house the slumbering guest. "I think I'll put him in the closet, or maybe the basement. Too cold to put it outside." With that she climbed on the couch without trepidation and attempted to reach the dangling creature. We all watched in a combination of good humor and confusion, Patty warning her that she may need help, maybe someone taller. There were a couple more unsuccessful swipes at the bat and the next thing I knew Sean was wearing the gloves with Mrs. Webb offering the open bucket below him. In an anti-climactic swipe of the hand, Sean was able to gently transfer the animal. We were all so engaged that it was hard to think of this as our first visit to the Webb's home, it unfolded more like a lively exchange between neighbors.

Some lively bat-related chit chat and a series of bathroom breaks later, Jim Webb came home.
Poet, playwright, politician, radio personality, mountain man, kooky old hippie, "Wiley Quixote," Jim Webb is one of the most unique people I've ever encountered. His white beard is as long as his wife's white hair. Doning octagonal red lensed sunglasses and a purple Black Mountain activist t-shirt, Jim gave us the "nickel tour" of his property. The landscape has changed quite a bit just since he took ownership due to three mysteriously spontaneous fires. He named it "Wiley's Last Resort," because when it's gone, there'll be nowhere else for him to go. Perhaps not coincidentally, he often referred to it in jest as the end of the universe.
The two cabins on the hill were built by his great grandfather in the 1830's, one was the birthplace of both his grandfather and his father. In it stood two vintage KFTC rally boards, one which read, "Stop the Broadform Deed."

The Broadform Deed was a law that allowed mining companies to purchase land for purposes of excavating any natural resource, above or below ground despite who resided there. This law set in to motion more than a century of pillaging, corruption, displacement, and destruction. The Broadform Deed was the first vehicle of cultural as well as environmental rape in Appalachia; tearing families apart, burying homesteads, and solidifying a system of economic oppression. The law was more or less reversed by 1984, but by then coal companies owned all the land and surrounding business, as well as the law enforcement and local politicians.
Jim's nickel tour put us slightly behind schedule, but provided an invaluable perspective of local politics, history, and hospitality. I am convinced that the day would not have had the same impact without his stories. He shed light on property laws, how mining company rights and landowner rights have changed and evolved, and why the relationship is so contentious, all with a unique manner of friendship and hospitality. Jim embodies what it means to be a kind soul and good neighbor, a man free of suspicion or prejudice. We were invited back to the Last Resort for camping, swimming, or hiking any time, and we will most certainly oblige. The Webbs offer their land to camp for free, all by word of mouth and honors system. He encourages donations and also loves to barter camping space in exchange for clearing paths and building new sites. There's so much to say about him that I can't rightfully articulate. For more, his website is http://www.wileyslastresort.com
From Wiley's Last Resort we drove to Bad Branch Falls which is located on Pine Mountain. This is where the work of the day began. Patty explained that the reason for our 40 minute hike to the Falls was to gain an appreciation for the miraculous natural environment that is biding time to destruction.
Our hike was spectacular. Bad Branch Falls, even in the winter, is lush and verdant, with shrubbery and small topiary reminiscent of the wetlands sprawling at the base of tall prehistoric trees. Lime green moss grows thick on the north face of trees and boulders The air is crisp and has a fecund, piney scent.


Along the trail there was a crystal clear stream rolling over rocks and branches, with the sound of rushing water growing ever near. When the falls became visible over the top of the hill it was breathtaking. A snow embankment at the foot of the water still powdery in the unseasonably warm weather created a mystical illusion. There were pockets of ice in the rock and on the other side of the falls a crystalline pond of ice blue pooled in an earthen crevice. There was mist spraying up from the snow and rock, framed in red sandstone and forest green.




Sean and I have been hiking in many amazing places; we've explored the Smokies, the Blue Ridge Mountains, and several National forests and recreation areas... This hike stands firm in the ranks of the most beautiful. Before ever seeing the leveled top of Black Mountain it was clear to me that reclamation could never come close to approximating recreation. There is simply no way to replace hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, biodiversity, and layered growth. With this knowledge alone it is apparent that reclamation is a shameful lie, and that mountaintop removal is an irreversible desecration of all that is sacred and pure. No photograph, no brochure, no lecture or rally could teach that the way Bad Branch did.
One defense of strip mining is that the process of reclamation will restore the mountain to its original condition. Reclamation is an effort to ecologically stabilize and restore a site after mining efforts cease. The mining industry is required to dump topsoil and trees in to valley fills for reuse in reclamation, though it is much more common for the company to be granted waivers absolving them of restorative responsibility. In the few cases that reclamation does occur, a thin layer of topsoil over hard rock will not sustain any kind of foliage, muchless wildlife, and in most cases topsoil is never redistributed to begin with. Millions of years of biodiversity is lost.
Biodiversity is not all that is lost to the greed of the coal industry. A drive through Letcher County will reveal three prominent enterprises; vacant lots, fast food, and gas stations. Economic diversity is an obvious casualty. Coal companies bear all the purchasing power, and to keep wealth from reaching the citizens companies buy all of the available property. Much of this property sits vacant, while existing structures are usually outfitted with fuel pumps and neon Kwik-stop signs. Very few residents have the income to compete with coal tycoons, which means local business is virtually non-existent. Employment options outside of mining are extremely limited. Compounding this problem is the popularity of mountaintop removal. It is the fastest and cheapest method of mining, which means jobs are short term, worker lay-offs are exponential, and property owners are left homeless. Many who are laid off end up with company-owned 7/11 jobs or turn to unemployment. In an effort to give back the community, once or twice a year the company will engage in outreach by distributing turkeys to poor families at Thanksgiving, or school supplies to children in the Fall. This cheap consolation (or is it flagrant placation?) echoes half-hearted attempts at reclamation, some kind of sad charicature of goodwill. However, residents rarely see it that way, as miners rarely work in their own region. That detachment, combined with heavy lay-offs, prevents folks from recognizing coal's impact on the local environment and eliminates the possibility of unionization. Patty elucidated this vicious economic cycle on the drive from Bad Branch, which must have revealed upwards of ten gas stations in a five mile radius.
Our next stop was Eolia, to the home of Sam and Evelyn Gilbert.

Sam was to be our guide up Black Mountain. A long time resident of Letcher County and former strip miner, he was familiar with both the procedure and the consequence of strip mining and mountaintop removal. On the way to his house Patty pointed out a bend just past a small community playground where she once encountered a family of bear while driving on the road. Bear sightings within residential areas have increased dramatically as they're forced out of the woods by blasting zones. When we got to the Gilbert home, that phenomenon was confirmed by Evelyn, who has watched bear pass by as she sits on the back porch. Set back in a "holler," the Gilberts own a stunning yet simple cabin-style home with a sprawling enclosed sitting porch. Lined in windows, it is bright and cozy, complete with dining table and couches. Up their drive are several dog runs where Sam houses his 16 or 17 hunting dogs. The Gilberts once raised 75 dogs and over 3000 quail. The quail were Sam's project, his attempt to restore nature with what he'd taken from it over years of small game hunting. They ate a lot of quail that year, the dinner table survivors released to the wild. Sam and Evelyn humorously agree that it was their first and last foray in raising foul.
The Gilberts' welcome was every bit as filial as the Webb's. Evelyn greeted us with wet hair and bare feet, just out of the shower, again as if we were neighbors from up the road just dropping by. Their home was warm. Fresh laundry competed with apples and cinnamon for olfactory domination. Evelyn got us settled in and soon after Sam came to join. Evelyn has curly red-auburn hair and a genuine, maternal smile. Sam is tall and broad, an imposing stature, a solid and stoic exterior. However, once he sat and began to speak, his image softened. He told his stories plainly, without embellishment or bias, but with sensitivity for the land and residents. His career in underground and strip mining makes him an authoritative source, and a compelling voice against mountaintop removal. He got out of the industry as mountaintop removal was being introduced, citing the destructive nature of the practice (burying headwaters, demolishing communities, eliminating wildlife, further oppressing and enslaving mountain people, etc.). An anecdote about the time he dug a new well illustrated the toxicity of coal sludge seeping in to the earth. Typically wells are 100-150 feet deep, but Sam dug 230 feet to ensure a fresh and abundant water source. What he pulled from the hole was a urine colored liquid with an intolerable pungency. He had the "water" in a bucket one evening as he was working near a flame, and it actually caught fire and burned. This is the same water families have depended on for centuries for drinking and bathing. Now he and Evelyn must drink bottled water and depend on an older, less abundant well for washing. When that runs out, as it has in many communities, they will be bathing in water contaminated with mercury, arsenic, iron, and a number of other heavy metals and toxins. In fact, Patty knows a family with small children who must bathe from a contaminated water supply, all of them riddled with health problems.
Sam's bone to pick with mountaintop removal doesn't end at flammable water. In 2005 Sam noticed a strange truck parked on the edge of his property, which is at the base of Black Mountain just below a natural pond. After calling out several times without a response, Sam relied on a few blasts of his pistol to stir the elusive caller. He was immediately greeted by a man, all smiles, emerging from the hills to tell him that he was sent by the Army Corp. of Engineers to assess the stability of the area and the pond. The man was promptly run off the property and told not to return unannounced. After further investigation, and with the help of KFTC (where he met and befriended Patty) Sam found out that the coal company planned a mining zone on the mountain just behind his property. They were surveying the site of the old pond for use as a coal sludge pond. These ponds are located at the base of a valley fill to collect run-off and sediment from the leveled earth above. As water trickles down the mountain and filters through the mass of blasted material it picks up toxins and metals from dynamite and heavy machinery emissions, pooling in to a mass of poisonous sludge. Though the sludge pond is walled to keep it from washing in to the community, it is well-documented that these protective walls erode, erasing entire towns from the grid. Even when pond walls maintain structural integrity, sinkholes and shifted foundations are common consequences of such engineering.
The sludge pond proposal on Sam's land encroached on his property line by 100 feet, butting the pond right up against his home. Knowing that such a plan spelled the eminent deletion of his homestead, Sam partnered with KFTC to fight the coal company. The hearings went all the way to Federal Court that election year. Sam's tenacity and the people power behind KFTC led to a victory over the coal company. They're not allowed to revisit his part of the mountain for mining for many years to come.
For a more in depth description of Sam's fight and his critique of coal: http://www.kftc.org/our-work/canary-project/stories/sam-gilbert
It was humbling to be in the presence of such a dynamic figure, and I felt extremely fortunate to be viewing Black Mountain under his watch. Unaware of the condition of the mountain following all the snow, Sam grabbed his chainsaw and directed us outside to the truck. He chided Patty about taking her little sedan up the mountain and insisted she drive his Blazer. At that point I should have known we were in for a rugged ride, but I was still envisioning the nice mountain roads of Blue Ridge Parkway. We followed behind Sam's pickup to the base of the mountain. When I saw the road before us I was aghast.



It looked impassable. Jagged wheel ruts were carved in compacted dust and rock along a road just wide enough for one pickup. To the left was the wall of the mountain, to the right a long, life threatening look down. We were tossed all over bumping and maneuvering past low lying limbs and potholes at 5 mph. There were times that the turns were so sharp it looked as if one wheel would have to liberate itself from the edge. We all clung to the doors and busied our racing minds with nervous laughter. The craggy passage we were negotiating was a county road. Citizens' tax dollars are supposed to be allocated for road maitnance, but it was clear that the government did not want this road to be accessible. The treachery of roads near active mine sites is another mechanism of shielding the public from the extinction of their landscape. Patty, aware of our disbelief, said, "You are bearing witness to a crime. You can't just let it go."
That resonated with me rest of the evening driving through that mountain. Criminal on so many levels. Environmental wreckage, an economic hostage situation (Sam's words), withholding tax money, ignoring infrastructure, stealing land, monopolizing a job market, contaminating water supplies... It all swirled in my head as I already began trying to find the words to describe it to people back at home. But how? How to do justice to the magnitude of desolation, of corruption?
I was only half present in conversation for the rest of the way to the top, lost in my own heavy heart.
The scenery to the top was depressing. Dry straw-like grass spottily covered the landscape, splayed like puzzles pieces amid patches of dust. This looked like the desert, with pathetic spindly trees sporatically placed, clinging to life, roots a little more exposed with each gust of wind. The only thing not poised for disintegration was rock.



When Sam pulled over, indicating a good place to look out in to the valley fill, I secretly prayed that the ground beneath our wheels didn't crumble at the edge of the road. We emerged from the Blazer looking out over a rock-lined stream, the term for which escapes me. A long trough of rock constructed down the side of the mountain as a drainage mechanism, another band-aid gesture that doesn't stop contaminated run-off from seeping over the sides of the plateaued summit. At the bottom, in the center of the valley, was an active underground mine.



The mountaintops in the distance were all a shadowy evergreen, still covered in trees, a stark contrast to the balding sandy mound we stood atop. On it we could clearly see the strata of the mountain; a layer of rock, a seam of coal, all the way around. Before hopping back in the Blazer to continue our ascent, Patty told us that what we were surrounded by was reclamated land. The mining company had officially washed their hands of that side of the mountain. It was a prospect that just seemed unreal. This was their idea of stability, of restoration? I tried transplanting the image of the Falls on the hopeless visage before me. It was unfathomable.
Our next stop was the peak of Black Mountain, the highest point in the Bluegrass state. However, what Sam's truck stopped along was neither a peak nor a point, it was a dead stretch of flatland. We jumped out quickly because the sun was setting and we needed to get to the bottom before dark to make it safely. The wind whipped so strongly that none of us got too close to the edge. Being blown off was a plausible punishment for such brazen attendance. As I snapped photos the cold and the wind abused my knuckles, tore at my earrings, blew my hair over my eyes as if to say "Don't look." There was an eerie sense of isolation and abandonment gazing across the horizon on all sides at the sun setting over a leaf-capped ridge line.
We were all cold- physically and emotionally. It was time to make our descent.
Coming down the landscape began to change again. The road was less rugged, and the walls were lined in augering holes, not benches. Then heavy machinery became more prevalent, signifying an active mine to our immediate left.






We'd heard stories from Patty and Sam about being chased off the mountain by mining officials, they don't take kindly to people nosing around their crime scene. Patty proudly relayed stories of a few instances when Sam had to get stern with the miners, not backing down on one's right to pass through a county road. But we were no longer passing through, we were infiltrating. This was a company-owned, private road. It was possible to hear the blasting siren at any minute, we could be stopped and questioned, we were trespassing. At that news, the Blazer fell silent, as if hushing ourselves would make us invisible. Patty giggled and assured us that Sam knows how to B.S. right past these people, and that if we were to be stopped he would handle it. We were getting head nods and suspicious eyes from workers along the road. As we passed one truck we over heard a loud CB radio announce "It looks like there's a girl and a guy in the car." They were watching. I held my breath and tucked my camera under my jacket, unwilling to have it confiscated should an incident arise. My imagination ran wild with possible outcomes of this illicit journey down the other side, my trust for Patty and Sam being the one saving grace.
At the gate out of the site there were administrative trailers set up in a circle displaying banners espousing some moral mantra to the effect of, "Remember your responsibilities to family, co-worker, then self." Abandon your identity, it urged. When you're on that mountain it is in the name of family and company, civic and moral duty do not exist.
The signs made a lasting impression, though our minds were far from sublimated as we exited the gate, deceptively offering timid head nods and stiff waves to the guard as we passed. I exhaled. We made it down the mountain unfollowed, harassed instead by a lingering sense violation.











It has taken me over a week to put the Mountain Witness Tour experience in to words and still I don't feel like I've done it justice. An excerpt from my Facebook status that day reads:
"It is important for everybody to take this tour. I had no idea how it would impact me, but here are a few ways:
1. Right off the bat we were welcomed in to people's homes and treated as best friends and family... Sincere hospitality is a valuable reminder of how we should all reach out to one another.
2. Patty (KFTC leader) and our guides had a passion and willfulness that is inspiring to say the least. It's very empowering to hear stories of how just a few people can and have made big changes.
3. Experiencing the beauty of the mountains in an area that is untouched- We hiked Bad Branch Falls and were met with verdant foliage and a breathtaking waterfall.
4. As Patty said, "Witnessing a crime." Driving on a deadly treacherous mountain road that citizens' tax money is supposed to maintain. Traveling through "reclamated" land that barely grows a single spindly tree, and getting to the top of a mountain that looks like a fallow desert.
5. Feeling a tangible connection to a cause, a culture (our culture), and a community."

And that is the best I can do from my couch in the Highlands of Louisville, KY. Beyond my story there are several events just around the corner to stir folks' interest in mountaintop removal.
The first is Appalachian Love on Saturday, February 6, at the Green Building. This is a kick-off event for I Love Mountains Day. For more information visit http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=253271623638&index=1
The second is I Love Mountains Day on February 11 in Frankfort, KY. This is an awareness rally and lobbying day. For more information visit http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=237584639612&ref=ts


"Protest that endures, I think, is moved by a hope far more modest than that of public success: namely, the hope of preserving qualities in one's own heart and spirit that would be destroyed by acquiescence." - Wendell Berry





A great reference for understanding mining language: http://www.coaleducation.org/glossary.htm
Kentuckians for the Commonwealth: http://www.kftc.org
To schedule a tour: http://www.kftc.org/our-work/canary-project/people-in-action/witness-tours